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He is not her biological dad, but he is her Daddy




When we had our first encounter I was living in Colorado Springs, Colorado but visiting home on leave. I had just returned from a 15 month deployment in Iraq, working as a Military Police in the Army. I had planned to spend a few nights at my brother's house. He had a few roommates, one in particular became a huge part of my future story, Geoff. We were both young, free spirits, looking for love. We spent a little bit of time together but never expected what was about to happen. When my leave was over and I had to go back, we stayed in touch and would talk for hours on end every night, falling asleep on the phone most of the time.

A few months later, in 2009 Geoff moved to Colorado with me and we rented a house and one year later I bought one. His credit was shot so I had to be the one to make all the big purchases. Our relationship was great in the beginning, but quickly headed in the wrong direction. We absolutely adored each other but I had a hard time with his absence. He was always working. A full time job at a parts store and a full time side business. When he wasn't working, he was tinkering in the garage or pulling parts at the junk yard to either sell or use on another job. We never spent quality time together unless it was four-wheeling through the Colorado mountains. He just wasn't built for the relationship I was wanting and I wasn't built for the type he wanted.

It became an emotional roller coaster for the both of us, too much to handle. I asked him to leave later in 2010. He did, and for six months and we missed each other a lot. He moved back in, only to be asked to leave again in 2011. We still talked, but we also dated other people. We had nasty fights - like all out, drag down, dirty fights. It was TOXIC, but we couldn't let go. In October of 2012, I decided to rent out my house and move back home. Here is the kicker...on the drive home we decided that we were just too in love to let go and that we were going to get married. He drove home in December and we got married. We thought it would bring us back together the way we both desired. While he was home I had this gut feeling that something wasn't right. I snooped and found lots of stuff. He claimed that he was not doing anything wrong but the texts and pics told another story. He had a legit excuse for every one of them.

I am no angel either, I saw a few people and did quite a bit of partying while we were apart. But I did everything in my power to make it work while we were together. Again, a few months later, we decided to take a break. I couldn't bare that gut feeling that I would get every day that he was cheating. I couldn't stand the fact that I had to snoop, it was awful. I always found stuff, but he made me feel that I was just crazy. Like it was just me.

He begged me to move back to Colorado a few months later and guess what? I did! WTF was I thinking! I rented a loft apartment in Old Colorado, one of my absolute favorite places. My backyard was The Garden Of The Gods.

I was so happy to be back! We were back together, and life was great. Then I got the surprise of a lifetime, I was pregnant! It was wild! The doctors said I never would be able to get pregnant in the physical state I was in. Ten years with no period, underweight, and obsessed with fitness. It was a straight up miracle. I posted the great news on Facebook the day after I told him, even though he asked me not to. I couldn't not share this!

The next day I got a message on Facebook from Chandra, his other girlfriend of two years. The girl he spent the evening with after I told him about the positive pregnancy test. I was devastated. I smashed all our pictures and told him to come get his shit before it was tossed outside. After days of crying in his arms, sobbing to him to make this work for our child, I realized it wasn't in his plan. I honestly don't blame him. But why the hell did he want me back so bad if he had her? He had been cheating and living another life. Why did he need me? It seemed obvious to others, he was using me for his financial and health care gain. He had it made being married to me. I didn't believe it.

Two months pregnant, I was driving back home again, this time for good. Geoff and I remained in contact and he promised he would be involved in our child's life. He would come to all appointments and we would co-parent the best we could.

One month later I met Kevin, formally. I had met him years ago when I hung around with his daughter. He is 19 years older than me, so I never thought much about anything happening there. I had zero desire to date anyone, but he just swooped me up like a knight in shining armor (I know, it's super corny but it's true). He knew I was three months pregnant and that didn't scare him away one bit. He was head over heels with me and my baby immediately. I was too. The first time we got together we spent six hours talking, from day until night. We have been inseparable ever since.

Despite the attempts to keep Geoff informed and engaged in the pregnancy and future of our child, he never made it a priority. He tried, but it just wasn't in his plan, he wasn't ready. He was angry that I chose a different name other than the name we discussed and he was angry that I wanted to find out the sex with only a month's notice for him to fly home. He thought that I was trying to push him away and that I didn't care about his desires. Eventually he signed over all rights of our daughter to Kevin because, and I quote, "I don't want to fight with you for the next eighteen years."

Kevin formally adopted Peyton when she was one and it was so magical, the best day of our lives. He is the most amazing father to her and their love is like something out of a fairy tale. We have now been together for almost six years, married for two.




Peyton is just five years old now and Kevin and I both know that we will have to tell her eventually about her biological father. We are both terrified about this moment but we know it has to be done. Kevin knows with all his heart that he is and will forever be her daddy. But any person with a loving soul would be scared.






If you are currently going through a situation similar to this, please know that through the thick of it, it is so damn scary and hard to fathom. But as long as you do what you feel is right for you and your child, life will be okay. And never ever hesitate to reach out to someone for help along the way. We are not meant to navigate life alone.

All my love,

Shannon


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