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I'm failing as a mom.

I’m failing as a mom.

The thought I had as I was putting my daughter to bed one night.

I always envisioned myself as the mom who set and stuck to a schedule with ease. A mom who did arts and crafts all day. And a mom who never needed the TV on while her child was around. I thought we’d hold hands all day and be totally in sync with one another. And come bedtime, we’d read books in the warm glow of the evening light and cuddle close while singing and gently falling off to sleep.

“I’m failing as a mom.” It was the thought that came after a day where she watched too much tv. A night where I lost my patience and my cool and yelled. It was a thought that came after I was wrestling my daughter into her bed at bedtime. And a night when I left my daughter’s bedroom and we were both in tears.

The thoughts that I wasn’t the Pinterest mom. Or the Instagram mom. And I certainly wasn’t the mom I thought I’d be the year I was a live-in nanny for a single mom of three. Back then, I had energy to spare for days at the playground, no television on during the week (when I worked 6 am to 6 pm) and endless creativity and patience.

I am the mom whose fuse runs short. I am the mom who butts heads with her child moment after moment. I am the mom who is trying to raise a kind and polite child, but feels like she just can’t get through to her in the way I want. The mom who puts the TV on for my child when I need a quick break or I have to get some housework done.

I always thought mom hood would come so easily to me. I thought I was going to be the world’s best mom and that I would know it and wear it as a badge of honor everywhere I went. And that, everywhere I went, people would just …. know. They’d know that I was this world class mom by just simply looking at me and how I was with my child.

But I’m not.

And there definitely are minutes, hours, days - that I feel like I am failing as a mother.

And when I reflect on my daughter, I see that I am not failing like I think I am sometimes. I know this because my daughter is happy. She is healthy and intelligent. My daughter is confident, self-assured and independent - oh HELL YES she is! I see it in the way she looks to me for approval. I hear it in the way she says “mama” ever so dearly. I feel it when she leans in for a hug or a kiss totally unprompted by me.

So then, where does it come from? This overwhelming sense of feeling like I’m a failure of a parent? Is it from my own expectations that I can’t even come close to measuring up to? Is it from the other moms I watch parent with ease? Is it those Pinterest and Instagram moms I compare myself to constantly?

I don’t know where it comes from. But it’s there. And it comes more frequently than I’d like to admit most times. But this time, I do want to admit it because I want the other moms out there feeling this way to know they are not alone.

Those of you moms out there feeling less than adequate, I want you to know that you are doing a great job. And in those moments where you feel like you are failing, you’re not.

Us moms give so much of who we are. We, as mothers, give more than we have for ourselves even sometimes. And sometimes we even lose ourselves in our children. Because we want to give it all. We want to make sure our children are taken care of, even if it means putting ourselves on the back end of things.

But we are not failures, we are conquerors. We both take on the world and give the world to our little ones. We are just too damn hard on ourselves. Because we want to give our children the best versions of ourselves. But it’s hard. Parenting is hard. Being a mom is HARD!

You are doing a great job mom! And when you start to question how you are doing as a mom, STOP IT! Because you are doing a great job. Just take one look at your child when they are smiling. Soak up the sound of their laughter. Feel how great it feels when their little hand reaches for yours. Those are some of the many signs that you are doing FANTASTIC … and you are not failing mama - you are definitely succeeding!

Share your thoughts and feelings below. No judgement here ... only support. That's what moms do, right? We support. We support our little ones. And we support each other. Because we are the hood of moms, that makes up momHOOD. So moms I ask you, how are you feeling?

Sending love to you xo.

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