The crying … from both child and mommy.
These are the moments that can sometimes feels like a measure of just how bad you are failing as a parent.
Yet somehow, we moms always find a way. We put on the face. Smile at our children through our own pain and frustration. We reassure them how much we love them. And that they are forever safe in our presence.
But where do we get it from? The brave face to face them? The reassurance that we really are doing a good job? The strength to keep going, tantrum after tantrum. Sometimes I am able to take a few deep breaths and muster it up from deep inside me. But other times, I am so fatigued and depleted that I have to "lean" on others for help. When I turn to those others, they mostly provide support by listening. But they also are the ones that laugh with you and cry with you. Because, they "get it".
It’s tough. This parenting thing. Where is the measure of how we are doing as we go along this crazy ride? Is there such a thing? I don't think so. But it would be nice, right?!
I was watching “Wreck it Ralph” yesterday (so random, I know!). And at the end of the movie, the dad says “the key to parenting is ….” and what he says is deliberately inaudible. Then, the very next moment the mom says, “and when that doesn’t work, all you need to do is …” - again, inaudible. And obviously, this is on purpose. Because there is no handbook for parenting. There are no checkpoints. You are just swinging for the fences (baseball reference lol) every single moment, of every single day. Wondering if what you are doing is right. Wondering if what you are doing is best.
And I know you get it. Those of you that are reading this ... you know just how hard being a mommy really is.
I thought I was going to be a pro at parenting. I thought this was going to come easily and naturally. That the challenges would be minimal at best.
But I had no idea. I have no f*cking idea.
And as I write this now, my child is throwing one of these fits in her bedroom. My heart is crumbling into my body as I listen to her. Her anger has now shifted to sadness. The screams of frustration for her have now become the cries of sadness. The tears are just streaming down my face. Because I feel lost. I feel like I don't know what is best and what to do in this moment.
But I know... I know she is okay. I know she has a full belly. And I know she is hydrated. I know she has brushed her teeth. And I know she has gone to the bathroom. I know she had her bedtime song sung to her (Sunshine). And I know that she had nothing but love shown to her today. I know she was shown patience and understanding. I know all in all, she is okay. And after this fit is over, I know she will be okay.
But as she screams and cries for me, I question EVERYTHING.
I question every single thing I did throughout the day that has led to this point.
Because I also know I am a good parent. Wait, I am a great parent. All I try to do is understand my child and support her. I shower her with love. And constantly tell her how proud I am of her. I play with her all day. And I try to help her learn (she is stubborn and “knows it all” - according to her lol, but I still try!!). I know that we laughed together. And I know that we hugged each other a lot. I know that we gave each other kisses. And I know that my "big girl" felt like a big girl today because I made sure of it.
So, what do I do now? As my child screams out for me and cries for her mommy...for anyone to come to her in her fit of rage.
What do I do when I question my skills as a parent? What do I do when I feel like I am a crappy parent, even though I know I gave it 110% today?
What do YOU do?
Who do YOU turn to?
If you are anything like me, you turn to your momHOOD. Those women who also feel the same way. Those women who put it all out there day in and day out, and gotten minimal in return. Those women who are also going through fits and tantrums and screaming matches as well. Those women who "get it".
The women you get that ever so elusive night out with (once in a blue moon!).
The women you feel totally comfortable just being around - in your best moments and your toughest.
Those women who help you put on a smile, when it seems like the toughest thing to do in the moment.
You rely on those who don’t judge you ever, because they know you are giving it your all and they know that this is a phase.
It’s always “just a phase” right?
But when you are in the phase, it’s hard. It’s so f*cking hard.
And it tugs at your heart strings. And at moments, you can question everything.
Then you cave. And you go in to your child. Their little hand touches your face. Their little voice tells you that they “love you so much”. They wrap your arm around them so you can cuddle closer together. Your heart melts. And you know that what you are doing IS right.
That after all the screaming, yelling and tears (on both ends), you know what you are doing is right. As hard and tough and trying and challenging as it may be, you get your "checkpoint". Those tiny little signs show that your hard work is for a reason.
But in those in between moments, there are those women. The ever so important women that are a part of your momHOOD. They get it. They get the “in between”. And those moments that you are incessantly questioning yourself and your actions. But they get you. So rely on them. Rely on your hood of moms.
And hopefully you have that "hood". And if you don't, make sure you rely on them ... because they want to help you. They are going through these "phases" too. If you are lucky enough to have those special and strong women in your life, make sure you express your gratitude to them. Because as moms, we don't get gratitude enough. So tell your momHOOD how great they are and how much you appreciate them. And remind them, that they are too are doing a kick a** job at this whole momHOOD thing!!!!
Comment below when and who and how you rely on your. ever so important, hood of moms. Sending love to you xoxo.